Losing Someone

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day.

Today I was walking around the building, making my rounds and touching-base with my co-workers when my phone beeped. Typically when this happens, I pull it out, take a quick glance at the e-mail message and put it away. But this time was different, I pulled out the phone and the message had the words “Sad News for Our Community” in the subject line. Even then, I didn’t suspect anything was wrong, so I casually glanced over the e-mail until I read a line that stopped me in my tracks, “. . . . decided to take his own life on Friday night.”

Did I read that correctly? I sat down and read through the entire message. On Friday night, one of our group members from church took his own life. Sometimes I think things like this shock us because we almost assume that we’re going to see that person tomorrow, or the next week. And then it hits, “that person is no longer around.”

For some of us, we’re left wishing that we would’ve done something different… maybe we would’ve reached out more or noticed the signs. I noticed that he was acting differently when I saw him on Thursday, I regret that I didn’t say anything about his change in behavior. And then I wonder, would that have made a difference? The truth is, we’ll never know. And in my opinion, dwelling on those things won’t bring bring that person back.

Well, I don’t really know what else to say. I’ve walked alongside several people who have lost someone to suicide and rarely does it get any easier. My thoughts and prayers are with his family tonight.