This Is Your Life, Are You Who You Want To Be?

There’s a question I ask myself almost every day, “this is your life, Kiel, are you who you want to be?” I take this question from a song by Switchfoot and it’s always resounding in my mind.

I’ve had many transformations in my life that has made me who I am today. For the sake of this post, I don’t think I’ll tell you about those transformations (maybe another time).  But as I’ve grown over the past 25 years of my life, I’ve realized some immeasurable things.

First, I’ve learned not to regret the past. Unfortunately there are many people who either live in their past or regret their past. For me, I may regret some things about my past, things I could’ve done differently. But the key is how one handles that regret. Does that person sit and stew about it? Do they try to relive it in their mind, wondering, “what if?”

I’ve learned to take a different approach. When I look back on regrets, I pick it apart: What could I have done differently? Is there anything I can change about that regret? If it’s too late to turn that regret around, what can I learn differently for the future?

There are even some regrets that can still be changed: broken relationships, missed opportunities, to name a few. For example, I deeply regret that I didn’t travel very much, if at all, during high school and most of college. I can change that now. And for those regrets that you can’t change? In some ways, I think we carry those around as scars to remind us of our shortfalls and give us fuel for change to make sure we don’t make that same regret again.

Second thing I’ve learned? Find good people to learn from, but don’t try and become them. This is often a mistake many people make.  Someone once said, “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” There are certain traits that make each person unique, it’s not worth it to lose your identity to try and be someone else. Glean the good characteristics of that person you wish to learn from and make those characteristics uniquely your own, don’t just copy them.

Third, don’t let yourself be easily molded. Throughout my life, I’ve had people try and mold me into who they think I should be. This became especially true when I became a pastoral ministry student. People would say, “you can’t do that, you’re going to be a pastor” or “this is how pastors have done things for many years, therefore, this is how you should do it.”

Everyone brings a different style to their job. When I decided that I wanted to be a police chaplain, I was told that, “you’re not going to save the police department.” And to an extent, I agree. But change begins with one person who dares to see things differently and takes a different approach. Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” In order for change to occur, things have to be done differently, that’s what change is! So if I have one chaplain telling me, “this won’t work,” what I’m really hearing is, “my style of leadership can’t accommodate that change.”

I bring up the previous example because it reminds me of starry-eyed dreamers who have EXCELLENT ideas, only to go into the workforce and quickly conform to the way things are, not the way things can be. In an effort to appease their bosses, they become “yes men.”

I’ve struggled with this over the past several years; not wanting to conform, but to continue to be a valued employee and person. And for those of you who have bosses who allow you to be you? You are blessed, because hopefully that boss recognizes the different personality traits that allow you to be you and allow you to shine. I know we have a lot of great people here at Grace and I believe that’s because we encourage a culture of being ourselves.

To sum things up, I guess what I’ve been trying to say for the past several paragraphs is this: where is the line between staying true to yourself and making those changes to appease others?

At some level, I know there are things that make me “uniquely Kiel” and I don’t want to change those things for the world. At the same time, I realize that I’m not perfect and there’s a need for me to make changes. I guess I can sum it up with two quotes.

The first one says, “The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.” The next quote is by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

They both make very valid points. You’re going to have to fight to be “just you” and Dr. Seuss is essentially saying that those who get bothered by who you are don’t matter… and those who love you won’t mind that you’re being yourself.

So in closing, I have to ask you… “this is your life, are you who you want to be?” Take inventory of the things that make you uniquely you and say, “these are areas that I feel make me who I am and I won’t compromise.” And then keep moving forward into the future, allowing yourself to grow, not change who you are.

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” – Mr. Fred Rogers