Sometimes It’s the Little Things That Count

I have to give props to my neighbor across the street, I really do. Most people say that "first impressions are very important" and I’d have to agree. When I first moved in, I noticed at least three police cars in front of his building. He was sitting on the stoop in handcuffs and the cops had made a make-shift diaper for him because he was so piss drunk that the officer didn’t want the guy "relieving" himself in the squad car.

I have a police scanner and it didn’t surprise me that the next time I heard "domestic" and "Lark Drive," I knew they were coming for him. I don’t know his background, don’t know anything about him really. All I know is that he lives with a woman who has a special needs child… whether they’re married or not, or whether the child is his son or not, I don’t know.

But in my mind I always wondered, "how many times is she going to take him back? How many times is he going to put up with his non-sense?" I’ve seen this many times in my life, knowing people who get locked up, are released later, and end up right back in jail within a few months. In fact, I’ve wondered when the next time the police will show up to take him away.

But, I was truly humbled today as I saw him walk across my front lawn over to his building, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers that he had picked from the park next-door. He knocked on the bedroom window, wanting her to open up the blinds and be surprised… no answer. Then he went inside, and I can only hope that the woman he’s wronged over and over again would be truly appreciative of this small, kind act.

There are a few morals to this story. The first? Don’t be so quick to judge. Sometimes we make judgments based upon outer appearances without knowing that person’s heart, their struggles, and where they’ve been. If you know where someone’s been, what they’ve struggled with, you may be more empathetic to the person, even if you still think that what they’ve done is wrong.

Second moral? We must learn to forgive. When I said that the police get called out for "domestic situations," that doesn’t necessarily mean physical abuse… it could be a verbal disagreement that has gotten out of hand. Sometimes one of the most humbling acts for someone is to be forgiven. When I see this lady take him back over and over again, I think to myself, "she is a very forgiving woman and I hope some good comes of it." Perhaps today’s show of appreciation by picking flowers for her is an outward sign to say, "I love you and thank you so much for your grace and mercy."

This reminded me of a Bible story today from Matthew 18:21-35:

“Then Peter came to Jesus. ‘Lord, if my brother keeps on hurting me, how many times should I forgive him?’ he asked. ‘Should I forgive him seven times?’

 ‘No, not just seven times, but forgive him seventy times seven times’, Jesus said.

 ‘Where God rules is like a king. The king wanted to collect all the money that his servants owed him. So he began to do this. Then they brought a man to him who owed him millions of silver coins. The man was not able to pay. So the master ordered them to sell the man, his wife, his children and all his possessions. The master would receive that money to pay the servant’s debt. Then the servant kneeled in front of the king. “Be patient with me”, he said. “I will pay back everything that I owe you.” And the master pitied him. So he forgave the servant for all that he owed. And he let the servant leave free.

That servant went out then. But he found one of the other servants who owed him just a few silver coins. The first servant held the second servant firmly. He began to squeeze the second servant’s neck. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

The second servant kneeled down in front of him. “Be patient with me and I will pay you back”, he said.

But the first servant refused. Instead, he caused the authorities to throw the other servant into prison. And he had to stay there until he could pay back the debt. The rest of the servants saw what had happened. And they were very upset about it. So they told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the first servant to come back to him. “You wicked servant”, he said, “I forgave all your debt to me because you asked me to. You should have pitied the other servant, just as I pitied you!” His master was very angry. So he handed the servant over to the prison officers for punishment. He must stay in prison until he paid everything back to his master.

You must forgive your brothers. My Father who is in heaven will act like this king towards each of you. So you must forgive them from deep inside yourselves.’”

Sometimes we must forgive others, even when it seems so very difficult to do so. This act of hearing someone say, "I forgive you" can truly be a chain-breaking, breath of fresh air for someone who has carried the guilt and burden for so long.

I originally intended for this post to be more about doing small little things to show someone you care… and I hope you can take that away from the story of my neighbor. But the overarching thing I’ve learned is about how we can empower someone to change through the power of forgiveness.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." — Marianne Williamson