As I’ve told some of you over the past couple weeks, I’ve placed myself on a diet. At first it was really easy to say "no" to tasty foods. But lately, I’ve been working out a lot more and staying below my calorie count and I’m really tempted to say, "I’ve been so good! One cookie won’t hurt." So I went to Paradise Bakery & Cafe for lunch and they gave me a scrumptous cookie with my meal. Oh you tempter you!! Why do you tempt me with your ooey-gooey goodness?!
And then I realized something, this is where self-control comes in. Even before I started my diet, I’ve had to practice self-control in other areas of my life. As of late I’ve had ask myself, "is there something more productive I could be doing right now? Instead of saying no to this person, could I make time for them? I know this takes effort, but is it really that difficult?"
It’s been a challenge for a person like me who would be content sitting on the couch watching TV or reading a book. I have realized that I’m a lists equals reward person. Which means that in order for me to feel like I’ve accomplished anything, I have to have a written list to look at. It’s like the me from the past saying, "Hey man, do you see all this stuff you said you were going to do? How much of those have you actually done?" At that point, I stick it to my past self and say, "you know what? Maybe I’ll do some of those things… CHECK!"
I’ve come to learn that in life, I need to have some goals to reach. It gives me a reason to wake up each morning, to have something to look forward to, a challenge to accomplish. This is one of the main reasons I created "My To-Do List for 2009." It’s given me a tangible list of goals to work on and I’ve been doing so good so far!
I’ve been feeling really content with myself lately, as I feel that I’ve had these attainable goals to reach for. And as for that chocolate chip cookie from Paradise? I gave it to one of the baristas at Starbucks and grabbed a drink with 1/3 the calories of that cookie.
What to do the rest of the day? Well, work of course. But what about after work? I’m really tempted to just veg out on the couch, but perhaps I’ll go ride on the Monon for the third straight day in a row. Ahh self-control, am I starting to master thee?
I have to give props to my neighbor across the street, I really do. Most people say that "first impressions are very important" and I’d have to agree. When I first moved in, I noticed at least three police cars in front of his building. He was sitting on the stoop in handcuffs and the cops had made a make-shift diaper for him because he was so piss drunk that the officer didn’t want the guy "relieving" himself in the squad car.
I have a police scanner and it didn’t surprise me that the next time I heard "domestic" and "Lark Drive," I knew they were coming for him. I don’t know his background, don’t know anything about him really. All I know is that he lives with a woman who has a special needs child… whether they’re married or not, or whether the child is his son or not, I don’t know.
But in my mind I always wondered, "how many times is she going to take him back? How many times is he going to put up with his non-sense?" I’ve seen this many times in my life, knowing people who get locked up, are released later, and end up right back in jail within a few months. In fact, I’ve wondered when the next time the police will show up to take him away.
But, I was truly humbled today as I saw him walk across my front lawn over to his building, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers that he had picked from the park next-door. He knocked on the bedroom window, wanting her to open up the blinds and be surprised… no answer. Then he went inside, and I can only hope that the woman he’s wronged over and over again would be truly appreciative of this small, kind act.
There are a few morals to this story. The first? Don’t be so quick to judge. Sometimes we make judgments based upon outer appearances without knowing that person’s heart, their struggles, and where they’ve been. If you know where someone’s been, what they’ve struggled with, you may be more empathetic to the person, even if you still think that what they’ve done is wrong.
Second moral? We must learn to forgive. When I said that the police get called out for "domestic situations," that doesn’t necessarily mean physical abuse… it could be a verbal disagreement that has gotten out of hand. Sometimes one of the most humbling acts for someone is to be forgiven. When I see this lady take him back over and over again, I think to myself, "she is a very forgiving woman and I hope some good comes of it." Perhaps today’s show of appreciation by picking flowers for her is an outward sign to say, "I love you and thank you so much for your grace and mercy."
This reminded me of a Bible story today from Matthew 18:21-35:
“Then Peter came to Jesus. ‘Lord, if my brother keeps on hurting me, how many times should I forgive him?’ he asked. ‘Should I forgive him seven times?’
‘No, not just seven times, but forgive him seventy times seven times’, Jesus said.
‘Where God rules is like a king. The king wanted to collect all the money that his servants owed him. So he began to do this. Then they brought a man to him who owed him millions of silver coins. The man was not able to pay. So the master ordered them to sell the man, his wife, his children and all his possessions. The master would receive that money to pay the servant’s debt. Then the servant kneeled in front of the king. “Be patient with me”, he said. “I will pay back everything that I owe you.” And the master pitied him. So he forgave the servant for all that he owed. And he let the servant leave free.
That servant went out then. But he found one of the other servants who owed him just a few silver coins. The first servant held the second servant firmly. He began to squeeze the second servant’s neck. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.
The second servant kneeled down in front of him. “Be patient with me and I will pay you back”, he said.
But the first servant refused. Instead, he caused the authorities to throw the other servant into prison. And he had to stay there until he could pay back the debt. The rest of the servants saw what had happened. And they were very upset about it. So they told their master everything that had happened.
Then the master called the first servant to come back to him. “You wicked servant”, he said, “I forgave all your debt to me because you asked me to. You should have pitied the other servant, just as I pitied you!” His master was very angry. So he handed the servant over to the prison officers for punishment. He must stay in prison until he paid everything back to his master.
You must forgive your brothers. My Father who is in heaven will act like this king towards each of you. So you must forgive them from deep inside yourselves.’”
Sometimes we must forgive others, even when it seems so very difficult to do so. This act of hearing someone say, "I forgive you" can truly be a chain-breaking, breath of fresh air for someone who has carried the guilt and burden for so long.
I originally intended for this post to be more about doing small little things to show someone you care… and I hope you can take that away from the story of my neighbor. But the overarching thing I’ve learned is about how we can empower someone to change through the power of forgiveness.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." — Marianne Williamson
There’s a question I ask myself almost every day, “this is your life, Kiel, are you who you want to be?” I take this question from a song by Switchfoot and it’s always resounding in my mind.
I’ve had many transformations in my life that has made me who I am today. For the sake of this post, I don’t think I’ll tell you about those transformations (maybe another time). But as I’ve grown over the past 25 years of my life, I’ve realized some immeasurable things.
First, I’ve learned not to regret the past. Unfortunately there are many people who either live in their past or regret their past. For me, I may regret some things about my past, things I could’ve done differently. But the key is how one handles that regret. Does that person sit and stew about it? Do they try to relive it in their mind, wondering, “what if?”
I’ve learned to take a different approach. When I look back on regrets, I pick it apart: What could I have done differently? Is there anything I can change about that regret? If it’s too late to turn that regret around, what can I learn differently for the future?
There are even some regrets that can still be changed: broken relationships, missed opportunities, to name a few. For example, I deeply regret that I didn’t travel very much, if at all, during high school and most of college. I can change that now. And for those regrets that you can’t change? In some ways, I think we carry those around as scars to remind us of our shortfalls and give us fuel for change to make sure we don’t make that same regret again.
Second thing I’ve learned? Find good people to learn from, but don’t try and become them. This is often a mistake many people make. Someone once said, “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” There are certain traits that make each person unique, it’s not worth it to lose your identity to try and be someone else. Glean the good characteristics of that person you wish to learn from and make those characteristics uniquely your own, don’t just copy them.
Third, don’t let yourself be easily molded. Throughout my life, I’ve had people try and mold me into who they think I should be. This became especially true when I became a pastoral ministry student. People would say, “you can’t do that, you’re going to be a pastor” or “this is how pastors have done things for many years, therefore, this is how you should do it.”
Everyone brings a different style to their job. When I decided that I wanted to be a police chaplain, I was told that, “you’re not going to save the police department.” And to an extent, I agree. But change begins with one person who dares to see things differently and takes a different approach. Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” In order for change to occur, things have to be done differently, that’s what change is! So if I have one chaplain telling me, “this won’t work,” what I’m really hearing is, “my style of leadership can’t accommodate that change.”
I bring up the previous example because it reminds me of starry-eyed dreamers who have EXCELLENT ideas, only to go into the workforce and quickly conform to the way things are, not the way things can be. In an effort to appease their bosses, they become “yes men.”
I’ve struggled with this over the past several years; not wanting to conform, but to continue to be a valued employee and person. And for those of you who have bosses who allow you to be you? You are blessed, because hopefully that boss recognizes the different personality traits that allow you to be you and allow you to shine. I know we have a lot of great people here at Grace and I believe that’s because we encourage a culture of being ourselves.
To sum things up, I guess what I’ve been trying to say for the past several paragraphs is this: where is the line between staying true to yourself and making those changes to appease others?
At some level, I know there are things that make me “uniquely Kiel” and I don’t want to change those things for the world. At the same time, I realize that I’m not perfect and there’s a need for me to make changes. I guess I can sum it up with two quotes.
The first one says, “The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.” The next quote is by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
They both make very valid points. You’re going to have to fight to be “just you” and Dr. Seuss is essentially saying that those who get bothered by who you are don’t matter… and those who love you won’t mind that you’re being yourself.
So in closing, I have to ask you… “this is your life, are you who you want to be?” Take inventory of the things that make you uniquely you and say, “these are areas that I feel make me who I am and I won’t compromise.” And then keep moving forward into the future, allowing yourself to grow, not change who you are.
“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” – Mr. Fred Rogers
Over the past year or two, I’ve been trying to find ways to be more earth-friendly. I’m not a big fan of all this “going green” hype or any of that, I’m just the type of person who likes to be as efficient as possible.
So over the past few weeks I’ve had this blog post stewing in my head. So now I want to share with you some things that I’ve been doing to try and be more conscious of the earth. They’re pretty easy to do, you just have to make a conscious effort.
1. Go paperless. Perhaps one of the most pointless things is for a company to mail me a bill along with a ton of printed material I’m not going to read. This is why I have companies e-mail me these statements whenever I’m given the opportunity. If I see “VISA” pop up in my e-mail box, it serves as a reminder for me to pay my VISA bill, simple enough. No trees harmed in the process of getting me to pay my bills.
CAVEAT: Sign up for a free e-mail account like Gmail or Yahoo! mail. Those accounts will stick around regardless of whether you switch Internet Service Providers and it saves you the hassle of having to change your e-mail address.
2. Turn off unnecessary electricity when you’re not home. This is a big thing for me. I have a small apartment and I’m not home during the day, so why keep my air conditioning or computer running? I try and make sure everything is turned off when I leave because it uses less energy. Sometimes I may leave a fan going to help circulate the air, which uses less energy than an air conditioning unit.
3. Recycle. Before you throw away that plastic bottle or aluminum can, think about throwing it in a recycling container. Why take up more and more of the earth for landfills when these products can be reused? I bought a small storage container and put it in my utility closet. I fill it up with plastic bottles, newspapers, and aluminum cans. Thanks to the people who pick up the recyclables, I don’t even have to sort them! Watch this video to learn more about the process!
4. Don’t buy bottled water. While bottled water is convenient, it’s highly unnecessary. If you don’t like the tap water, buy a Brita water filter for the faucet or buy a Brita water pitcher. A typical water filter will last for over three months. A typical filter replacement will cost $10 a piece, but you can get them cheaper if you buy them in bulk. [Click here to learn more]
5. Buy rechargeable batteries. Recently I got to thinking, “why am I paying a lot of money for batteries and then having to throw them away after one use?” Rechargeable batteries (and the charger) may cost a little more upfront, but in the long run you’re being efficient by reusing the same batteries over and over again. Yes, batteries lose the ability to hold charges after a certain amount of time, but you’ll get tons of use out of them before that even happens. When the batteries are no longer able to hold a charge, find a local place that recycles them. [Click here to learn more]
6. Use compact fluorescent bulbs. When I first moved into my apartment, the first thing I did was go to Sam’s Club and buy plenty of compact fluorescent bulbs. These bulbs take a second to reach their full brightness, but they use a lot less energy and last a lot longer than normal bulbs. Do they cost more? When you consider how long they last and the little energy they use, it’s worth it. [Click here to learn more]
7. Use cloth grocery bags. This is pretty simple and a lot of stores are offering them. Instead of paper or plastic, bring your own bags! Why use disposable bags when you can re-use cloth grocery bags? [Click here to learn more]
8. Walk or ride? When I’m going somewhere, I usually try and think, “do I really need to drive there?” I try and carpool as much as possible and ride my bike places.
Okay, so it’s been about five months since I created my to-do list for 2009. So it’s about time for an update, I’m going to add some things, get rid of some things. Overall I’m pretty pleased with this year so far and I’m sure I’ll do some things not on this list. I’ll be sure to keep all of you updated.
Books To Read
Here Are Some Books That I’ve Been Reading Off & On
Books I’ve Read
Places to Visit
Atlanta, GA – Georgia Aquarium, World of Coca-Cola, Oakland Cemetery, Stone Mountain Park
St. Louis, MO – The Arch, International Bowling Hall of Fame, St. Louis Science Center, old churches around town, B.B.’s Jazz, Blues and Soups
Chicago, IL – Art Institute of Chicago, Field Museum, Shedd Aquarium, maybe a Cubs game?
Dayton, OH – Wright-Patterson Air Force Base
Florida – I’m hoping to make it down to Florida… we shall see.COMPLETED
Fun Stuff With Friends
Go camping
Visit Indiana Dunes
General Goals
Learn CSS and PhotoshopPARTIALLY COMPLETED
Spend some more time studying the Bible ONGOING
Go to the citizen’s police academy to learn more about law enforcementCOMPLETED
There’s a question I ask myself almost every day, “this is your life, Kiel, are you who you want to be?” I take this question from a song by Switchfoot and it’s always resounding in my mind.
Over the past year or two, I’ve been trying to find ways to be more earth-friendly. I’m not a big fan of all this “going green” hype or any of that, I’m just the type of person who likes to be as efficient as possible.
