From a Thankful Heart – The Six Pack

Last year I wrote a blog entry at Christmas called, "From a Thankful Heart" that focused on all the people that God used in the past year. That list of people has remain relatively unchanged, although God has brought (and continues to bring) new people into my life. But today, I want to focus on a special group of friends that I mentioned last year, but I didn’t expound upon.

The group of friends I’m referring to would be "The Six Pack," aptly named by Faith’s Nan because there are six of us. As I look back, it amazes me how much we’ve done together and how most of us had crossed each other’s paths prior to forming this friendship. I’d like to take a moment to tell you briefly about each of them and what I’ve learned from them. So here they are, in no particular order… ladies first, of course…

I met Stephanie many years ago at a program we both volunteered for called Y-Press, I even crossed her path a few times recognizing her when she worked at Blockbuster in Westfield. But we didn’t truly become friends until a couple of years ago. In fact, I think it was either her or Betsy that invited me to an Indians game where I really got to know Chad… I don’t know whether to thank her for this privilege or shun her. Ha ha! Just kidding!

I think that I love Steph because in many ways she reminds me of me: always working to please the people she loves, having great conversations over a cuppa chai, always thoughtful of her own thoughts and actions (as well as that of others), and always striving to be a better person than she was the day before.

Stephanie, you are truly a great friend and I am so blessed to have you in my life (even in your excitable "Stephie Lu" moments). Ha ha!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Stephanie, it’s to be more intentional about listening to others, to be a good listener, and to encourage others. I’m not perfect, but I’m glad I have her as an example.

Betsy crossed my path a few years ago when I was an intern at Grace and she came to a small group gathering with our friend Amanda. With the dynamics of the small group, I wasn’t quite sure if lil’ Miss Betsy would stick around, but she did and I am so thankful.

I think the thing I love most about Betsy is her energy and the ability to make all of us smile so much. Betsy has such a great spirit and I think that shows greatly when we go places and there’s always SOMEONE that knows her. In other realms, I’ve seen a lot of competitive challenges thrown at her by Chad and Andrew and she is able to dish it right back.

Betsy, I was tempted to name you "Sporty Spice" because you add such a flavor to the group that nobody else can. You know that I get excited everytime I see you and I hope you know it’s because of the joy you bring into all of our lives!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Betsy, it’s to soak in all of life’s blessings and show love to others. When I see Betsy’s face light up when she sees a special needs child, it reminds me of how we are to love others.

Faith and I had crossed paths a couple of times since we both attend Grace, but I didn’t really get to know her until we all started hanging out as a group. I got to tell you, that she may seem shy, but when she opens up, you’d better watch out!

The thing I love most about Faith is her fun and caring spirit. I called her the compassionate one because I get to hear about all the fun (and loads of work) she has with her students. When she talks about them, you can tell she cares. When you talk to her students, you know that they love her. Some things you must know about her: she has a slight addiction to Burt’s Bees chapstick, she often talks to herself in the third person, does pretty good impersonations of her students, and she is a master at defeating Chad’s insults.

Faith, you are truly one-of-a-kind and such a fun dynamic to the group. I’ve learned a lot from you and so thankful for the times I’ve gotten to spend with you and your family. You are truly a blessing and it shows… even in your "special" moments.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Faith… hmmm, this is difficult… but I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from her is the importance of family. That girl is truly herself when she’s around them and that is truly awesome.

I met Andrew when he first moved to town. I didn’t know what to think of him then and it took me a while in the first stages of our friendship to truly "get" Andrew.

The thing I love most about Andrew is how he can go from being completely boyish to completely mature with a flip of the switch. I don’t mean this in a bad way, no. I think he strikes a good balance of knowing how to stay young, while not forgetting that life includes serious moments that require great insight. And when you see Andrew at his most "boyish," you would think that there wasn’t a serious side… but alas, there is… and he can be very deep.

Andrew, you are truly a piece of work. But I see how hard you work to make sure we have fun as a group, but are there to have many introspective moments as well. I wasn’t sure what to think of you at first, but you’ve shown just how great of a guy you are and I’m honored to call you "friend."

The thing I’ve learned most from Andrew is that it’s okay to be crazy once in a while. But in all seriousness, Andrew is incredibly smart and at times I’m always wanting to learn more on various topics just to keep up with him.

As I mentioned earlier when talking about Steph, I think I really came to know Chad when we went to an Indians game a couple of years ago, it’s been a journey ever since.

The thing I love most about Chad is the "b.s." he brings to the group. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but as you know, Chad does have his "b.s." moments (and the accompanying voice) that make us laugh incredibly hard. He dishes it out and is able to take it back so well. In a way, he can be like Andrew… able to have plenty of fun, but also able to be incredibly insightful. As a writer, I find it kind of hard to define who Chad is… since his personality is indescribable.

Chad, I am so glad to call you friend. I enjoyed the times you lived nearby and we’d go workout at the Monon Center together, watching you "propose" to girls even though you said you’d stopped doing it, seeing you happily dance around the room when we celebrated your first new house, and I love how you’ve made Stephanie into your personal assistant. And don’t lie, she helps you out a lot, and I think it’s hilarious. Ha ha! You (and I) are so lucky to have a friend like Steph!

The thing I’ve learned most from Chad is to have goals and work towards them. It’s not my greatest strength, but despite all the "b.s." he dishes out, he seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulders. Ha ha!

Walking in a Winter Wonderland…

Tonight was a great night filled with inspiration, mixed with snow. I don’t know quite how to describe it, but I’ll try my best.

I was leaving Lynn and Carl’s last night when I decided to take the scenic route. When I worked at The Children’s Museum and Ivy Tech, I was extremely intentional about not taking the most direct route home, which was Meridian Street. Once I would get past 38th and Meridian, I would start traveling through the neighborhoods: Pennsylvania Street, Washington Boulevard, Central Avenue, College Avenue. Driving down these streets you begin to notice the character of the houses, beautiful houses and beautiful neighborhoods.

And so, as I left Lynn and Carl’s house, I cranked up the heat in my car and put on some jazz music… Art Tatum and John Coltrane to be exact. I cannot begin to tell you how at-peace I felt. With virtually no other cars around, I felt like the city was mine and time was of no importance. So I drove, admiring the houses while Tatum played on the stereo and the sound of snow crunched underneath my tires.

Then it happened, I passed a pretty decked-out house around 54th and New Jersey…

I have to tell you that it was a pretty rainy Christmas this year and for some reason, Christmas just didn’t feel like Christmas. But when I passed this house, I was immediately amazed, like a little child riding around looking at Christmas lights with his parents. The soft glow of the lights against the white snow, the cardboard Santa Claus in the upstairs window, the leg lamp in the downstairs window… WOW!

Nothing could really top my experience at that point… I was so excited to find this house. I have a fond place in my heart for old houses and when they’re decked out in Christmas awesome-ness, it makes me love them that much more.

As I neared the end of my scenic car ride, I decided to do something I don’t normally do… I grabbed my tripod from inside the apartment and drove around Carmel and took a few pictures. It was such a great night to be out, just me and the snow plows. It was cold, but I thoroughly enjoyed taking some photographs. Here’s a few I’d love to share with you…

1) My Statue Neighbor Gets in the Spirit
If you’ve ever been in my neighborhood (the Arts & Design District of Carmel), you’ve probably seen these statues. Every day I drive past them and every night, I see the streetlamps cast their light on the statues. Some find these statues weird, creepy, and a waste of money. I, however, like to think of them as friendly faces that greet me on my way home. Over the month of December, the city put Santa hats on the statues, here is one of them…

 2) The Gazebo at City Hall
I had been perusing through the local paper when I noticed that the City of Carmel had their Christmas tree lighting around Thanksgiving. Having missed this spectacle, I was thrilled when I drove by and saw that the tree and all the decorations were still up!

Well friends, I hope you enjoyed the blog post. It was a great night and I just felt so inspired… but alas, it is now 1:40 a.m. and I must be getting to bed. I hope all of you had a safe, happy, and blessed Christmas!

Trusting

I was thinking about trust today for no particular reason, other than a friend and I were talking about it a couple of weeks ago. As I was thinking about this, I came across this quote:

"Trust is like a vase.. once it’s broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”

For me, the quote really hit home as I thought about friendships and relationships where trust had been broken. When we break trust, we can put it back together, but the cracks still show from the damage that has been done. Sometimes there’s even a big piece missing… that big gaping hole where someone’s entire trust had been and is now gone.

Over time you notice the cracks less, the big gaping hole has been patched over, and you may learn to fully trust that person again. Sometimes that trust has been so devastatingly broken that the vase can’t be replaced. And the person whose trust has been broken? They become more guarded, afraid of someone else causing further damage to an already fragile vase.

Hopefully over time, one can begin to allow healing to begin and bring them to a place where they’re no longer fragile and can weather the crazy storm called trust.

We’re human and sometimes people do things to us that can almost shatter us to pieces. But we pick up those pieces, we put ourselves together, and if we’re lucky, we put ourselves back out there again. Isn’t the human experience great? I don’t know how to quite end this, as we’ve all had various experiences. But I did want to share my musing on the topic. Thanks for reading.

Standing Behind What You Write (and Say)

Opinion columns, cable TV news pundits, talk radio, blogs, Facebook… we’ve become a society of voicing our opinions.

We’ve become a society of voicing our opinions no matter how right, wrong, or ignorant we are. At the same, no matter how disgusted I get at some of the comments and lack of civility, I’m reminded of what Voltaire once said:

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

But I think somewhere along the line we’ve lost civility in our discourse. We’ve become a society that will post things, even anonymously, without thinking through the full impact of what we say… which brings me to today.

My friend/co-worker came to me today, showing me what someone had commented on her blog. Her blog post was very light-hearted, casting light on corny church signs. The comment she received, while well written, lacked a certain level of civility and was written by "Anonymous".

The first thing I had to learn in philosophy is not to take debates personally, it’s not you they’re debating, but the ideas that you are presenting. However, it can be hard not to take something personally when someone anonymously critisizes something you write. It’s like a phantom, anyone around could’ve written it and not knowing who it is can be bothersome. Wanting to know the identity of the anonymous writer is not to deconstruct that person based on who they are, but to put a face to what has been written.

Writing is probably one of the few ways you can be anonymous, which is why the internet has become as popular as it is. When people hide behind a screen name or "Anonymous," it lacks a certain credibility to me. What are you going to say online that you can’t say in person?

Growing up with three brothers, I learned the rule of, "say it to my face." Which simply meant, if I was going to talk smack (for lack of a better term), I should be prepared to say it to their face and be ready for the consequences should they not like what I had to say.

Needless to say, after several beatings, I learned the fine art of civil discourse. If I chose not to follow my mom’s advice of "if you have nothing to nice to say, don’t say it all," I had to phrase things in such a way that would get my point across. Am I right all the time? Heck no! In fact, I’ve been caught with my foot in my mouth many times. In maintaining my integrity, I admit it when I’m wrong… it’s not always easy, but it’s the right thing to do.

When we come to the table with varying opinions we’re not going to be right all the time, nor will we always see eye-to-eye with other people. But in order to maintain integrity and credibility, it’s important to stand behind what we write and say. If we can’t stand behind what we say, perhaps the best option is to be silent.

"Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it. Martyrdom is the test." – Samuel Johnson

Two Roads Diverged

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

This poem by Robert Frost has been resounding in my head over the past couple of months as I’ve come to another fork in the road. I feel like I must choose which way to go, even though the answer doesn’t always come easy.

Sometimes when I read this poem, I wonder if Frost thought about the signposts in our lives. Sometimes its not a fork in the road or a monumental decision to be made that determines our course. Sometimes certain people, circumstances, and situations are the signposts that take us off the path we’ve set out for ourselves onto the road less travelled.

I would argue with Frost that life isn’t two roads diverged in a yellow wood, but is more like a highway (yes, like the song). It has many off-ramps that will take you through winding country roads filled with beautiful trees in the fall, some dark unknown tunnels to drive through, majestic mountains where we can see for miles, beautiful scenic beaches along the way, and the occasional fender bender.

There have been years in my life where I had no direction on the highway of life, I was on cruise control. As funny as it sounds, I wouldn’t take back those moments for the world. How would I know true hope unless I experienced true hopelessness? How would I know joy unless I experienced pain? How would I know what it’s like to be successful unless I failed a couple of times along the way? All of these things have helped mold me into who I am and brought me to the place where I am at today.

A friend pointed me to a quote from the book Irresistible Revolution that says:

"… the more I read the scriptures, the more uncertain I became about my plans for the future, or even of the wisdom of making plans in the first place, since God seems to be in the business of messing them up… People started asking me what I was going to do when I graduated from college. People always want to define you by what you do. I started saying, ‘I’m not too concerned with what I am going to do. I am more interested in who I am becoming. I want to be a lover of God and people.’ I was convinced that what we do is not nearly as important as who we are."

I’ve come to realize that life is an awesome journey that can take you so many different places. Like this quote, I’ve come to realize that whether you believe in God or not, life has a funny way of messing up the plans we make. It reminds me of when I’ve gone flying with my friend Jake. You can set a course heading and aim for that heading, but the turbulence is always going to blow you around and take you off course if you’re not careful.

It’s important to have goals and work hard towards them, but don’t let them define you. Understand that life may have different plans for you than what you have for yourself. Don’t let what you do become more important than who you are.

As I approach this fork in the road, I no longer fear. I want to be known as someone who loves God and loves people, whatever job I have will always be secondary to that. But no matter which road I take I realize two things: God is with me, and with Him all things are possible… and that has made all the difference.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6