Authorities called off the search today for the Kinnaman family cat and have presumed him dead after four whole days of searching. Patches Kinnaman, affectionately known as Patchkins, Mr. Kitty, and “that damn fat cat,” was reported missing by his best friend, Einstein the dog, shortly after noon on Saturday.
“I was just outside jumping up and down, playing with sticks, and doing a thorough ‘marking’ of the perimeter of the Kinnaman estate when I noticed my compatriot Patches was missing,” Einstein said.
Patches began “working” for the Kinnaman Department of Homeland Security sometime around 1998. Nursing injuries from a previous tour of duty (getting his rear paw stepped on repeatedly), Patches came with a bandage around his hind foot, earning him his famous name.
As a young private in the department, Patches trained under Major Doodles Elwood Kinnaman. His rigorous training included learning how to climb trees without front claws, catching chipmunks, and guarding the homestead from the neighborhood raccoon affectionately known as “El Bandito.”
When Major Doodles died in battle, Patches was promoted to the position of Major serving alongside Colonel Hyden Vulcan. However, due to Colonel Hyden’s health complications, Major Patches took over as Colonel for the Kinnaman Department of Homeland Security shortly after Hyden’s death in 2007.
Under his watch, the Kinnaman estate stayed chipmunk-free and mouse-free. Just months before his disappearance, Patches granted an interview with this very news outlet in which he detailed one of his proudest moments:
“There was one particular time when the Major Doodles and I were guarding the Kinnaman compound. We noticed that our food kept getting eaten, night after night. So Major Doodles and I planned a stake-out. I was just a young private, scared out of my nine lives. Major Doodles took the rear, sitting in Master Kinnaman’s favorite patio chair, while I sat on the roof of the dog house waiting for the perps to show up. All of the sudden, this big fat momma raccoon shows up and tries to take our food, so we just jumped out of her and scared the crap out of that raccoon. We laughed so hard we felt like one of the LOLcatz. Afterwards we drank some warm milk and had the best cat nap this side of heaven.”
Colonel Patches will be fondly remembered, he used up every last one of his nine lives in his final days. In the summer months he would do a security check of the shed while Master Kinnaman would be mowing the lawn and end up getting locked-in until his absence was noticed.
In his final days Patches enjoyed nothing more than sitting on the back porch with Masters Kreig and Eric, taking in the second-hand smoke of Marlboros while having his belly rubbed.
Colonel Patches is survived by his Masters: Ron, Micah, Kreig, Kiel and Eric Kinnaman. Step-brothers include Einstein the Dog, Spot the Turtle, Isaac the Parrot, Milo Tiel, and Petey the Dumb Dog. Cousins include Cheese, Crackers, and Precious. He was also well loved by GrandDad’s bird, Willie Hicks.
He is preceded in death by Hyden Vulcan Kinnaman, Doodles Elwood Kinnaman, and Clyde the Lovebird.
Memorial contributions can be made in Patches memory to the “Felines for the Ethical Treatment of Mice” foundation.
In this economy, it amazes me when I see stories like this. With a decline in the industry, Japan Airline’s CEO slashes his salary and gives up his perks. What a guy! Is he benefitting in some other way (stock options, etc.)? I don’t know.
But it goes to show that when times get tough, everyone must share in the burden, even the top execs. Many American companies would rather file for bankruptcy than having their executives lose their perks in order to keep the company afloat.
Reading: Various stories about yesterday’s election
Thinking: I really loved going back to my old elementary school to vote. I had some good conversations while waiting in line and it turns out that I knew the daughter of the woman I was talking to. It’s a small world after all!
How to Annoy Me: It was a frustrating day. But after talking with my boss and having a few meetings, I felt more confident and less frustrated.
Quote of the Day: “America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?
This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time — to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth — that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:
Yes We Can.” – Barack Obama (from his election night speech)
Colin Powell is someone that I deeply respect. I have heard him talk at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit and know of what a good man he is. His support of Obama shows some good bi-partisan judgement. This is a man who worked in the Bush administration who is saying, “Obama is the guy we need to elect.”
And in the video below, you’ll see that he does it in a very classy way… not demeaning John McCain as an individual, but focusing on the issues.
Hopefully the primaries will be over soon and we will have a Republican and Democratic nominees for the presidency. One thing that I’m trying to get over is “what makes Barack Obama so appealing?” It seems like this guy has garnered great support and when it comes to his campaign people think, “hope, change” and are reminded of John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy (read endorsement by Caroline Kennedy, JFK’s daughter).
I don’t have definite opinions about him yet, I’ve begun reading his “Blueprint for Change” (download available here). I want to hear what you think, feel free to leave comments on why you are for or against Obama. If you know about his policies, write about that. If you don’t know why you like Obama (but you do), what makes him so appealing?
Authorities called off the search today for the Kinnaman family cat and have presumed him dead after four whole days of searching. Patches Kinnaman, affectionately known as Patchkins, Mr. Kitty, and “that damn fat cat,” was reported missing by his best friend, Einstein the dog, shortly after noon on Saturday.
When Major Doodles died in battle, Patches was promoted to the position of Major serving alongside Colonel Hyden Vulcan. However, due to Colonel Hyden’s health complications, Major Patches took over as Colonel for the Kinnaman Department of Homeland Security shortly after Hyden’s death in 2007.
