Posted on Jun 21, 2009 in
Just Thinking... 
I have to give props to my neighbor across the street, I really do. Most people say that "first impressions are very important" and I’d have to agree. When I first moved in, I noticed at least three police cars in front of his building. He was sitting on the stoop in handcuffs and the cops had made a make-shift diaper for him because he was so piss drunk that the officer didn’t want the guy "relieving" himself in the squad car.
I have a police scanner and it didn’t surprise me that the next time I heard "domestic" and "Lark Drive," I knew they were coming for him. I don’t know his background, don’t know anything about him really. All I know is that he lives with a woman who has a special needs child… whether they’re married or not, or whether the child is his son or not, I don’t know.
But in my mind I always wondered, "how many times is she going to take him back? How many times is he going to put up with his non-sense?" I’ve seen this many times in my life, knowing people who get locked up, are released later, and end up right back in jail within a few months. In fact, I’ve wondered when the next time the police will show up to take him away.
But, I was truly humbled today as I saw him walk across my front lawn over to his building, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers that he had picked from the park next-door. He knocked on the bedroom window, wanting her to open up the blinds and be surprised… no answer. Then he went inside, and I can only hope that the woman he’s wronged over and over again would be truly appreciative of this small, kind act.
There are a few morals to this story. The first? Don’t be so quick to judge. Sometimes we make judgments based upon outer appearances without knowing that person’s heart, their struggles, and where they’ve been. If you know where someone’s been, what they’ve struggled with, you may be more empathetic to the person, even if you still think that what they’ve done is wrong.
Second moral? We must learn to forgive. When I said that the police get called out for "domestic situations," that doesn’t necessarily mean physical abuse… it could be a verbal disagreement that has gotten out of hand. Sometimes one of the most humbling acts for someone is to be forgiven. When I see this lady take him back over and over again, I think to myself, "she is a very forgiving woman and I hope some good comes of it." Perhaps today’s show of appreciation by picking flowers for her is an outward sign to say, "I love you and thank you so much for your grace and mercy."
This reminded me of a Bible story today from Matthew 18:21-35:
“Then Peter came to Jesus. ‘Lord, if my brother keeps on hurting me, how many times should I forgive him?’ he asked. ‘Should I forgive him seven times?’
‘No, not just seven times, but forgive him seventy times seven times’, Jesus said.
‘Where God rules is like a king. The king wanted to collect all the money that his servants owed him. So he began to do this. Then they brought a man to him who owed him millions of silver coins. The man was not able to pay. So the master ordered them to sell the man, his wife, his children and all his possessions. The master would receive that money to pay the servant’s debt. Then the servant kneeled in front of the king. “Be patient with me”, he said. “I will pay back everything that I owe you.” And the master pitied him. So he forgave the servant for all that he owed. And he let the servant leave free.
That servant went out then. But he found one of the other servants who owed him just a few silver coins. The first servant held the second servant firmly. He began to squeeze the second servant’s neck. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.
The second servant kneeled down in front of him. “Be patient with me and I will pay you back”, he said.
But the first servant refused. Instead, he caused the authorities to throw the other servant into prison. And he had to stay there until he could pay back the debt. The rest of the servants saw what had happened. And they were very upset about it. So they told their master everything that had happened.
Then the master called the first servant to come back to him. “You wicked servant”, he said, “I forgave all your debt to me because you asked me to. You should have pitied the other servant, just as I pitied you!” His master was very angry. So he handed the servant over to the prison officers for punishment. He must stay in prison until he paid everything back to his master.
You must forgive your brothers. My Father who is in heaven will act like this king towards each of you. So you must forgive them from deep inside yourselves.’”
Sometimes we must forgive others, even when it seems so very difficult to do so. This act of hearing someone say, "I forgive you" can truly be a chain-breaking, breath of fresh air for someone who has carried the guilt and burden for so long.
I originally intended for this post to be more about doing small little things to show someone you care… and I hope you can take that away from the story of my neighbor. But the overarching thing I’ve learned is about how we can empower someone to change through the power of forgiveness.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." — Marianne Williamson
No Comments »
Posted on Jun 16, 2009 in
(Almost) Daily Ramblings What I’m Listening To: I am letting the iPod shuffle away as I work from the cafe at Northview Christian Life Church. It’s really noisy at Grace this morning with the kiddos and I like a little peace and quiet. 
Accomplishment of the Weekend: Was super excited to drive up to Woodburn, IN (outside of Fort Wayne) to see my ultimate BFF Ryan. We got caught up, talked about radios (we’re nerds), and went out back to shoot his new-ish Glock 9mm. It was a really good time!
What I’m Looking Forward To: This is difficult… I’m looking forward to the continual challenge as we work to overhaul the current Grace Web site. It’s been tough, but we’re getting there. Hoping to relax a little this weekend (yes, I’m already looking at the weekend).
Quote of the Day: “Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
No Comments »
Posted on Jun 10, 2009 in
Just Thinking... 
There’s a question I ask myself almost every day, “this is your life, Kiel, are you who you want to be?” I take this question from a song by Switchfoot and it’s always resounding in my mind.
I’ve had many transformations in my life that has made me who I am today. For the sake of this post, I don’t think I’ll tell you about those transformations (maybe another time). But as I’ve grown over the past 25 years of my life, I’ve realized some immeasurable things.
First, I’ve learned not to regret the past. Unfortunately there are many people who either live in their past or regret their past. For me, I may regret some things about my past, things I could’ve done differently. But the key is how one handles that regret. Does that person sit and stew about it? Do they try to relive it in their mind, wondering, “what if?”
I’ve learned to take a different approach. When I look back on regrets, I pick it apart: What could I have done differently? Is there anything I can change about that regret? If it’s too late to turn that regret around, what can I learn differently for the future?
There are even some regrets that can still be changed: broken relationships, missed opportunities, to name a few. For example, I deeply regret that I didn’t travel very much, if at all, during high school and most of college. I can change that now. And for those regrets that you can’t change? In some ways, I think we carry those around as scars to remind us of our shortfalls and give us fuel for change to make sure we don’t make that same regret again.
Second thing I’ve learned? Find good people to learn from, but don’t try and become them. This is often a mistake many people make. Someone once said, “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” There are certain traits that make each person unique, it’s not worth it to lose your identity to try and be someone else. Glean the good characteristics of that person you wish to learn from and make those characteristics uniquely your own, don’t just copy them.
Third, don’t let yourself be easily molded. Throughout my life, I’ve had people try and mold me into who they think I should be. This became especially true when I became a pastoral ministry student. People would say, “you can’t do that, you’re going to be a pastor” or “this is how pastors have done things for many years, therefore, this is how you should do it.”
Everyone brings a different style to their job. When I decided that I wanted to be a police chaplain, I was told that, “you’re not going to save the police department.” And to an extent, I agree. But change begins with one person who dares to see things differently and takes a different approach. Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” In order for change to occur, things have to be done differently, that’s what change is! So if I have one chaplain telling me, “this won’t work,” what I’m really hearing is, “my style of leadership can’t accommodate that change.”
I bring up the previous example because it reminds me of starry-eyed dreamers who have EXCELLENT ideas, only to go into the workforce and quickly conform to the way things are, not the way things can be. In an effort to appease their bosses, they become “yes men.”
I’ve struggled with this over the past several years; not wanting to conform, but to continue to be a valued employee and person. And for those of you who have bosses who allow you to be you? You are blessed, because hopefully that boss recognizes the different personality traits that allow you to be you and allow you to shine. I know we have a lot of great people here at Grace and I believe that’s because we encourage a culture of being ourselves.
To sum things up, I guess what I’ve been trying to say for the past several paragraphs is this: where is the line between staying true to yourself and making those changes to appease others?
At some level, I know there are things that make me “uniquely Kiel” and I don’t want to change those things for the world. At the same time, I realize that I’m not perfect and there’s a need for me to make changes. I guess I can sum it up with two quotes.
The first one says, “The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.” The next quote is by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
They both make very valid points. You’re going to have to fight to be “just you” and Dr. Seuss is essentially saying that those who get bothered by who you are don’t matter… and those who love you won’t mind that you’re being yourself.
So in closing, I have to ask you… “this is your life, are you who you want to be?” Take inventory of the things that make you uniquely you and say, “these are areas that I feel make me who I am and I won’t compromise.” And then keep moving forward into the future, allowing yourself to grow, not change who you are.
“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” – Mr. Fred Rogers
No Comments »
Posted on Jun 8, 2009 in
(Almost) Daily Ramblings What I’m Watching: I was watching The Godfather: Part II, but the Godfather movies are a little too long for my taste… maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow.
Accomplishment of the Day: Got up to help Jake’s parents load the moving truck to find that they had already done it. So I drove down to Bloomington and helped unload. Came back up to Indianapolis and did laundry, washed the car, cleaned the inside… yup, it was a good day.
Discovery of the Day: The cops were really active today along IN-37 from Martinsville all they way up through Indianapolis… they must’ve gotten bored and decided to do traffic detail.
What I’m Looking Forward To: Hmmm, that’s a tough one. Haven’t even made plans for this week. Just looking forward to going into work and getting lots done in moving forward on the new web site.
Picture of the Day: I found out that animals love each other… it doesn’t matter if you’re a bird or a little gerbil. LOL.
Quote of the Day: “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”
No Comments »
